how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
