A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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