if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
