Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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