$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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