I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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