I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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