You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
