Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
