Whats the glycemic index on semen?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is it because I queefed?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
