Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
