Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
