We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
