I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
