Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
