i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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