the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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