I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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