If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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