Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
