how can u be prego again
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
