yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
