okay pat passed out under dana's car
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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