When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
