do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
