So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
