Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
