i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Vodka?
Forever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
