Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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