if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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