My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The air taste purple.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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