Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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