I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
