Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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