too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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