I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i now understand why vodka
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
