3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just want nice things and good sex
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
