I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
