the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
