She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
