oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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