I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
