The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
