I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
