I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
