the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
In America we eat man semen.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
