Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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