Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
