Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
