On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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